Fun with words


I read the local rag…bad news. TV news….more bad stuff. I read blogs….people griping that others are not like them, complain, complain, complain. I’m sick of the negativity. So….I decided to lighten up my little spot in the world.

Many of my readers are also bloggers, a strange lot  that likes to turn a phrase, make points with alliteration and flair, and do other things with words that impress and inspire, so this post. To all wordsmiths and those who love the English language and like a good chuckle….

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The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Let our women speak!


“I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.” The Apostle Paul to Timothy, 1 Timothy 2:12

Have we in many of our churches used this and other verses as a foundation for mistreating women? I have some questions, and possibly a few answers.

In addition to the verse above there is the other well-worn “proof text” found in Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth.

“As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.” 1 Corinthians 14:33-35

Wow, it seems pretty clear doesn’t it? How could anyone miss the message of these two powerful admonitions that are the accepted authority that puts women in their places in the church.

But wait, Paul says more about women.

“but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaved. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head.” 1 Corinthians 11:5,6

I have a question. How is it possible that a woman could prophesy without speaking? She could pray silently but she cannot possibly prophesy while being silent. (Isn’t it interesting that we are big on the silence but are unmoved by the head covering, hair length, etc. ?) The truth is that no person, including a woman, can speak God’s truth to another without speaking. They were not able to text or send a bluetooth, they had only one option, speaking!

In his letter to the Romans Paul was careful to send a greeting to several women who had labored with him in the gospel. (Romans 16:1,2,3,6,7 and 12.) It would be unreasonable to conclude that their only contribution to the mission was baking bread and toting luggage. We know that Priscilla taught the preacher Apollos (Acts 18:26).

There is no doubt that women had speaking roles in the first century church. Why then the passages above? I offer these suggestions.

Corinth and Ephesus (the city where Timothy was ministering) were both large cities, hubs of trade and commerce, and both populated with largely gentiles. In each of these major cities paganism reached its apex. There were all sorts of gods, goddesses, temples priests and priestesses, and prostitutes.

Paganism in these first century cultural centers was marked by every excess. Drunkenness, gluttony, sexual orgies, idol worship, sacrifices of every kind to the gods, and in general the most unholy of lifestyles. Because most of these pagan religions conveniently included sexual excesses, women were often the leaders of the sects. And of course even some of the gods were women, like Diana for instance.

It was out of this cultural setting that God had called people to himself. They were believers in the Christ (Paul called them saints) but their whole lives had been entrenched in a society of unbridled sin where the lusts of the flesh ruled the day.

And, the state of women must be considered. They were little more than chattel property. They were there to serve their men sexually, to cook, to work (Proverbs 31), to raise children, etc. They were not worthy of education and were in every way subservient to males. Even today, in 2010, women in much of the middle east are in the same dire circumstances. At best, they are second class citizens.

Now we find Paul writing to immature Christians whose neighbors were the people described above and they themselves had barely escaped this dreadful lifestyle. The carry over, was drinking to excess at fellowship meals, rudeness, talking over others, sexual sin, and in general, behaving as pagans in the church assembly.

I believe Paul was addressing a particular cultural situation that we have little feel for. “Women be quiet and learn from your husbands”. Only the men had any education. “Women be quiet in church”. Don’t emulate paganism where women were leaders. “Women if you are going to pray or prophesy in the assembly wear a head covering to show that you have the authority to do so”. It was Paul’s intention that these redeemed people look completely different than their pagan counterparts. Thus his warnings about food offered to idols, keeping holy days, etc. Christians are to be a holy (set apart) people was his consistent teaching.

Paul said to the Galatian churches

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)

I have never read any place that the Holy Spirit gives out spiritual gifts based on gender. Perhaps I overlooked that text. I believe that in our sincere desire to please God to the “T” we have gone headlong into limiting gifted, smart, educated, devoted women in their service to their Christ and their fellow saints.

Someone tell me how these tasks constitute taking authority in the Christian community that belongs to males? ( I heartedly affirm male headship in the home and in the church)

  1. Singing a solo
  2. Reading a passage of Scripture
  3. Offering a communion meditation
  4. Serving as an usher
  5. Passing the trays and plates
  6. Teaching a Bible lesson to a mixed gender class

In my view it is time to take off the gags and let the women free to serve God using their giftedness to encourage and build up the body, not just women and children.

Agree or disagree, this is only my view. It does not represent the views of my church or its able leaders. I just wish it did.

Agape’

Royce

Jesus is not dead!


What is the big deal about Easter?

That he (Jesus) was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles. Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me. (1 Corinthians 15:4-8)

The big deal is, Jesus is alive! He is in heaven. And, He is coming back. Yep, the same Jesus his followers had seen and touched, shared meals with, and heard make promises went up into the clouds as they watched. And, this promise was given by two messengers from God.

“Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.” (Acts 1:11)

The truth that again and again got the Apostles in hot water with the church crowd was that Jesus had indeed risen from the dead. The bodily resurrection of Jesus is the bedrock of the Christian faith. Paul said it this way.

Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead,how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. (1 Corinthians 15:12-19)

Make no mistake, everything depends on the factual account of Jesus’ resurrection from the dead!

If Jesus was not raised from the dead there is no hope for any of us.

What appeal does dying and staying dead in a grave have to you? It has none to me either. If Jesus was not raised, we will not be raised, and after all, the goal is to live eternally.

If Jesus was not raised from the dead there is no Christianity!

Paul says it like this, If Christ has not been raised from the dead his “preaching is vain and your faith is vain“. And, “Your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.”

The cross and its significance is very important but if Jesus’ death was the end of the story He would be no different than any other man who died for his faith.

HE IS ALIVE! CELEBRATE!

This Sunday Christians around the world will celebrate and remember an empty tomb and a risen Saviour. It is His life everlasting that we celebrate. His life is our life if we are in Him.

WILL YOU LIVE FOREVER? EVEN AFTER YOU DIE AND ARE BURIED, WILL YOU LIVE AGAIN?

There are many, many promises that you can, or that you will. One I really like is this one.

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.’ (Romans 8:11)

Easter is the believer’s celebration of everlasting life. It is the acknowledgement that death has been defeated, that sin will finally be eradicated, and once again Peace will rule in an eternal kingdom.

He Himself is our blessed hope, and our blessed certainty! Happy Easter to you.

Agape’

Royce


Excuse me. Is this the line you get in to be sawed into?


A scan of the religious TV channels and the usual programing would lead you to believe that if you are a good Christians, giving those $1,000 checks of seed money, that life is smooth sailing. They promise everything from supernatural debt cancellation to a get out of jail free card.

Unfortunately, it is not only the gullible audiences of the “name it and claim it” preachers with bad hair who buy into the idea that faith in God is a ticket out of trouble. Does anyone read the Bible? Let’s see now…. Oh, remember Jesus? He was the best of guys and the most religious folks in town demanded that he be executed. So, a typical, spineless politician bowed to the pressure of the latest poll and he was crucified.

Sometime read the 11th chapter of Hebrews (that is in the Bible..) and learn about the people of faith down through history. They were commended as righteous because they took God at his word, like Abraham and Sarah. They stopped the mouths of lions and women had their dead raised back to life, and more….

But, there is more…

“Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment.  They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated— of whom the world was not worthy— wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.” (Hebrews 11:35-38)

I have an idea! Why don’t I start a TV show promising these things for those who follow God in faith? How popular would that be? But, there is the inspired record. Following Jesus, living by faith, has absolutely no promise of good health, perfect kids, a steady job, or a lack of big time trouble.

The myth is only that, a myth. The evidence of faith in God is not the absence of trouble, but it is peace and joy in the midst of it. So, don’t beat yourself up when the doctor tells you it’s cancer, or you get that dreaded call in the night.. You likely haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just life, and life isn’t fair.

One of the best Christians who ever lived was the Apostle Paul. He was beat up, run out-of-town, ship wrecked, and on and on. He had plenty of troubles including spending years in prison. He saw the big picture! He called his troubles “Light and momentary”. How is that for a good attitude?

So my friend, when the rain doesn’t come and the crop dries up, when you lose your job and your house, and Mom might not make it ’til tomorrow night, keep believing in God. Keep walking by faith. There is something better coming.

We must be like Abraham who was looking for a place to live not made with human hands. This life is only a dress rehearsal, the eternal show starts some tomorrow. Keep you chin up and your trust in Jesus, the hard times don’t compare to the glory that awaits. I’ll promise you this, you might not be delivered out of all your troubles but, God will be in your trouble with you. When its your turn to be thrown into the furnace or the lions den, don’t worry, God will be right there with you in the middle of your worst difficulty. You just have to acknowledge his presence.

Agape’

Royce